


sympathy does not imply understanding

by seraf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christophsis, Established Relationship, Geonosis, Jedi Code, M/M, Multi, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Parallels, Power Dynamics, clone culture, obi-wan kenobi is a war criminal and that's kind of the elephant in the room, ponds lives, post s2ep22: lethal trackdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 10:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17282261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraf/pseuds/seraf
Summary: ponds survives the shot to the back of the head. mace stays with him, in the medbay.kenobi tries to offer what comfort he can.





	sympathy does not imply understanding

ponds’ short-cropped hair has grown now, long enough to be clearly black and enough that it can be smoothed down when fingers are run through it. he usually keeps it shaved down, same as his general, but it’s something he’s neglected of late.

 

mostly because he’s still unconscious. has been ever since windu spacewalked, pulling his body out of the void where fett the younger and his crew had left him for dead.

 

( it hadn’t been boba, and windu didn’t blame him for ponds’ state. he had seen boba hesitate, had argued for him in court while ponds’ heart stopped and was started again, as his breathing evened out. had done it all for nothing, in the end, the military court ruling jango fett’s son a war criminal, and, because he was a clone, an adult, and to be tried as one. )

 

he looks wrong with hair.

 

yes, there was something to be said for the impermanence of personal image and the body through time, but the clones didn’t choose the features of their bodies or their armor lightly. it wasn’t right, to see their one last bastion of _choice_ taken away from them. ( ponds had told him once that he preferred his hair shaved down; it didn’t soak in the heat like jango’s black hair was wont to, and it didn’t irritate underneath a helmet. )

 

it’s an irrational course of action for a jedi, especially a master, and yet - here they stand.

 

he tries to visit ponds as often as he’s able, the clone commander permanently set up in the jedi medbay. that in and of itself is unusual for a general; the no-attachments rule is meant to be passed down to their men, as well. ponds should be marked as lost, and mace should proceed with the 91st without him.

 

but something in him will not allow him that.

 

he thinks it’s the force.

 

( he _hopes_ it is. if it is not, he’s not sure he has the words for what it might be, but he has a sneaking suspicion. it’s not just that ponds is a good leader, or a selfless one. mace windu has allowed himself _friends,_ at least, in people like kit fisto or in his old master, and ponds _is_ a friend, has become one despite all the war. )

 

( but . . . perhaps something exists past that. )

 

( it is not for him to dwell on; not now, after all, ponds is still not yet awake. may not ever wake. but it looms, an unfortunate truth he will have to come to terms with one day, one way or another. )

 

this is the irrational part of it; is that master kenobi finds his robe folded neatly over the back of a medbay chair, and finds mace himself with his tunic sleeves rolled up past the elbows to keep from getting wet, sitting carefully perched on the end of the thin medbay cot, ponds’ head in his lap, and holding a razor. ( the razor is his own, at least. having to buy or borrow one might just raise even more questions from people. )

 

ponds’ hair is shaved clean, mace finishing the last touches on it, carefully washing off the remnants of cut hair.

 

kenobi doesn’t ask, and windu is grateful to him for that, at least, simply taking up one of the other chairs as windu drags the damp cloth over ponds’ skull once more, careful not to jostle the breathing mask over his nose and mouth. he folds it in on itself, placing it on one of the nearby counters, and looks up at the other master as a cleaning droid bustles by, picking it up on its rounds.

 

kenobi’s face is etched with a quiet sorrow, and he rests his hand on mace’s knee, warm through the fabric. mace can almost feel him choosing his words. ( though - maybe it’s more simple than that; he knows kenobi, knows the distant expression in his eyes and the way he strokes over his beard now. )

 

eventually, he speaks, in the voice of a man sharing a secret. ‘ master windu . . . i am sorry. if it is any comfort, though - i may know how you feel. ‘

 

gossip spreads easily in the grand army of the republic. mace tries to believe that he’s above it, but he can’t help but hear some of it sometimes, winding its way through the ranks. even if he hadn’t, he’s worked with the 212th before, and he sees cody and kenobi, a solid pair, always shoulder-to-shoulder. cody smoothing the lines beginning to develop in kenobi’s forehead, kenobi bringing a broad grin more often than not to the commander’s face.

 

there’s . . . he wouldn’t call it a shatterpoint, per se. but there’s a divergence of roads, here.

 

he can accept the comfort from kenobi. accept the empathy in their shared situations. ( commander cody, after all, has spent his fair share of time in a bacta tank, has enough scars that should have-might have-would have killed him. )

 

can accept it, and thus make the statement that they are similar in this.

 

but.

 

but.

 

he thinks more about kenobi and the 212th, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands folding, brow furrowed. remembers the times kenobi walks past his dying men without a glance in their direction, or the times he has let them down - figuratively, yes, but mace has read the reports. he knows kenobi’s capabilities, knows he could have caught charger, but instead watched him fall onto that electromine, choosing instead to just quip about it.

 

cody runs the 7th systems army. it’s an ongoing joke in the gar, given that he co-runs it with kenobi, who is so much more often than not with the 501st or off with his old padawan and his grandpadawan.

 

but windu knows the truth of it. has read reports cody has written at two in the morning, has seen kenobi’s signature clearly forged on reports and statuses and supply forms ( and had stak ask about it, concerned at first that it might be a security issue. cody had smiled, looking tired, and said that at this point it was just more efficient than trying to play catch-up with kenobi or hounding him for days to sign the damn things himself. )

 

so mace noticed, and he let it slip.

 

ponds has - _had_ \- talked to him about it, too. the times they’d be on leave and cody would fall asleep standing up on the gunship out, body crashing the instant it had permission to. or the times he didn’t make it to leave at all, covering the paperwork for kenobi’s mistakes or on another mission with him.

 

skywalker had noticed, too, even dense as he was. _do you love cody,_ he had asked kenobi, once, and kenobi had laughed the question off. _i love how much easier he makes my life,_ he had told his old padawan, patting his shoulder and leaving skywalker dissatisfied with that answer.

 

( windu, too, but for a different reason. )

 

windu for the reason that . . . he’s not sure that’s untrue. he hears about cody from kenobi whenever cody does something for him. _makes his life easier._ complains whenever cody pushes him to get sleep after avoiding it for a week and a half in a row, without thinking about how being sleep-deprived and trying to fight like that might affect his troops. jokes about cody worrying over his injuries in the field without giving a thought to the fact that his life is literally valued at more than his commander’s.

 

ponds is windu’s friend. he has been honest with him, and they have known each other since the battel of geonosis.

 

( _you value our lives, right?_ ponds had asked, day two into a long hyperspace journey into the outer rim. mace, startled, had answered in the affirmative. ponds smiled wanly, looking tired. _many of yours say so, but they don’t . . . show it. we’re so often left for dead. the effort your brothers give to save mine is minimal, sometimes._ )

 

windu puts his men first, above himself. has even won the ire of skywalker and kenobi before, when he let the battle grind to a halt to send out the search and rescue teams, make sure as many of their men were as safe as possible.

 

kenobi’s casualty rate is among the top ten in the gar. nowhere near krell’s or skywalker’s, but it’s . . . up there. ( kenobi’s _specifically._ battles led by him. when he is gone and cody leads, the numbers reflect that. )

 

so.

 

so, mace can accept the sentiment, and state that they are similar in this.

 

he thinks of how tired cody looks. he thinks of the mourning ceremonies the 212th holds in private, worried they will be considered a waste of time by their general. he thinks of the naturally-born seperatist leaders kenobi had as prisoners and made more of an effort to save than his own men.

 

he thinks of geonosis, of the citadel, of jabiim.

 

he thinks of kenobi’s false surrender on christophsis.

 

and slowly, he shifts his knee out from under kenobi’s hand, looking away from the other master.

 

_i may know how you feel._

 

‘ no, ‘ he says, frowning ever so slightly. ‘ i don’t think you do. ‘

**Author's Note:**

> a little codywan critical! also. very rambly i wrote most of it on an airplane at 3 am.


End file.
